And I've cried, and you'd think I'd feel better for it. But the sadness just sleeps, and it stays in my spine for the rest of my life.

I hate this. I hate not being able to go a month without crying. I hate that I can't even count the amount of times I've broken down this year. And I hate that there is no one I can turn to about it.

Life sucks. Life really, really, really sucks.

For awhile, I thought I was turning things around. And I am less depressed than I was before. But why am I crying right now?

I can feel you slipping away right now. I really can. And I don't like it at all. I know we've been arguing lately. And I hate it. And I'm sorry I get upset so easily, and can be overbearing, and that I feel so easily neglected. And I'm sorry we cope in different ways.

But please, PLEASE don't let this tear us apart. You are the only person who has been my best friend through EVERYTHING. I don't want to be with you anymore; you know I don't want that. And I don't put you up on a pedestal anymore, I really don't. But I can't bear the idea of losing you. It's not just our relationship as a couple. It's everything. It's being best friends since eighth grade. It's how happy we have the ability to make each other. It's our past, and our present, and our future. I wasn't lying when I said I want to be best friends forever.

I don't want to take a break from you. We haven't taken a break from each other for five years, and I don't want to now. We know each other SO well. Sometimes I feel like I know you better than you know yourself. We've seen each other grow up, and we've seen each other at our worst, and we've seen each other at our best. And you're the only person I can say that about. Maybe it's not what you want, but you are still so extremely important to me, and losing you will just tear me apart. I've lost everyone else. Please not you too. I care so very much about you.

I just wish that I knew you felt the same about me. If I knew that, then I could stop falling apart. But it's so hard. I feel like you're slipping away from me. And it's awful.

I resent her for getting to have you, too. I resent how you look forward to seeing her so much, and how everything she does makes you so happy, and how you compliment her all the time. That is how we used to be, you and I. But now it's all fucked up. And she is replacing me. And I can't help but feel resentful about it. She's replacing me, who has been with you for so many years. And she gets appreciation for everything she does so easily, when I did so much for you and barely got any. I just don't see how it's fair.

And it's not your fault. And it's not her fault. But it's what is happening. And I hate it. I just want you back. I want to feel like you're my best friend. I want to feel like you want me to be your best friend. I want to feel like you want me at all. And I don't right now. I feel like you're tolerating me. Or I feel like you do care, but not enough that you'd really be bothered if you didn't have me anymore. You could be happy with all your other friends, and not even notice my absence. And that is what I hate the most. The feeling that you wouldn't even care if I left; that you don't even want me to stay.

Please, someone. Anyone.
Give me a reason to stay. Ask me to stay. Tell me you want me to stay. That is all I want.
I just want someone to need me.