And I can't see why you'd want to live here.

Siiiiiigh.

So, I'm sitting here in my online class again. I'm still a few assignments ahead, but I'd prefer to be working on things so that I can stay ahead. I'm in the mood for it today. But I can't work on anything, because the stupid school computers have the programs needed to play the sound files blocked. Normally it's okay because I can go down to a computer in Mrs. Dodge's office that doesn't have anything blocked, but today she's not here. And so here I am, blogging.

I guess I could work on it this weekend. I had a precalc test today (which I am feeling not at all confident about), and we watched a video in history, and we have a test in econ, so hopefully I can get away with no homework! :D That will be amazing. And it's a three-day weekend. So I'll have time to work on my class, as long as I don't get lazy and decide not to do it. XD

It's weird how I've gone back to floating through life again. I haven't felt this way since freshman year. It's like, being numb. I am just kinda drifting by, without really caring about stuff. I guess life just seems kinda surreal, like I'm going through the motions without really experiencing it. It's not good or bad. It's just there.

I think school is a big part of it. I feel like things just keep getting harder, and school is consuming my life. I go to school for the grand majority of the day, I come home and get on facebook for a couple hours, I shower, do homework, go to bed. Every day it's the same routine filled with stress and headaches and laziness. And I feel like it keeps getting more and more mundane. There used to seem to be at least a little variety, but now it seems like there is none. It's just doing the same exact things over and over again.

And it's winter. Which just makes it worse. It's too cold to go outside or do anything. I've been getting so restless lately. I want to do something, or change something. I wish I could go for a run, or rollerblade, or exercise. What really sounds nice right now is taking my dog on a really long walk. I enjoy walking my dog. I can turn on some good music and get lost in thought. I can do that without walking, but it's not the same. Walking helps me think. It gives me a sense of purpose, like I'm actually going somewhere. And I can take in different surroundings, and be active. I miss that. I want to go on a really long bike ride, out into the country. I used to do that with my sister over the summer, and it was always so amazing. You feel really good when you're done. Your legs burn and your chest hurts, but you feel like you accomplished something. And it's beautiful out there.
But I can't do any of those things, because it's too goddamn cold. I can't add any variety to my repetitive days. And it just makes me feel like things are pointless. I just sit at home and eat all the time. I have gained so much weight, I feel disgusting. But there is nothing else to do. So I just eat.

I am just so stir-crazy. I think everyone else feels it too. I feel like everyone around me has gotten a lot less lively. They're all so apathetic and spiritless and insipid. And it just makes me feel all the more uninterested in everything around me. I don't remember the last time we all got really excited about something, or had an exceptionally fun time together. I mean, I have fun, but it's all just chill. Nothing is energetic or invigorating. And I wish I could do something or go somewhere. I have never wanted a vacation more. I want to go somewhere warm, and I want to explore. I want to go hiking in a forest or swim in the ocean or scale a cliff. Or something. Just anything other than this. Anything different.

I hate the word boring. But that's what life has been lately. It's boring. Everything and everyone is low-key, low-spirited, low-energy. And it's just so boring.

But, I really shouldn't complain. I mean, I really am lucky. There is no major drama going on, and I have amazing friends, and I receive everything I ask for. Not that I deserve it. I feel like I'm getting progressively worse as a person. I hurt people and say and do things without caring about the feelings of the people around me. My redeeming qualities have been in hiding. And I'm getting less attractive as time goes on. But, despite all of that, I have people who are always there for me, and who love me. I get the things I want. And I should be thankful for that.