What the Hell, Rachel's doing a blog entry?

...Hey, that actually leads really nicely into the blog I'm posting.

Basically, there are things that bother me. There are things that upset me. There are things I think are ridiculous. But nothing is as bothersome, upsetting, and ridiculous as being told that I'm going to Hell because I'm not sure if I believe in God.
(I have so many thoughts on this, that I should probably organize them first, but I don't feel like putting that much effort into a blog.)

Several times in my life, I have been told in one way or another that I am going to Hell due to my inability to believe in God. People that I love dearly, even, think that I am going to be subjected to eternal damnation and suffering, just because I don't believe in God. (No, precious ginger, I'm not talking about you.)

Last year, I was told by 2 people that I was going to Hell due to my lack of belief. Directly. No beating around the bush, edging around the subject, I was just told that.
As soon as I was out of their sight, I started crying. I cried as I walked home, I cried when I got home. One of those people has apologized, and said that she doesn't think that anymore. Another hasn't, and still thinks I'm going to Hell.

Ever since I started doubting my beliefs in God, Hell was one of my major fears. Thinking about it would strike me with intense fear. When I thought about it, I'd feel like crying. I was so scared of death because I didn't want to go to Hell. Well, now I don't worry about it so much. I truly think that if God is as righteous as everyone says He is, He would not send me to eternal suffering for something I have no control over. However, it still hurts me a lot when people tell me I'm going to Hell. Simply because they can just callously, coldly tell me that and not care. "So guess what, Rachel, you thought I cared about you but I actually think that your soul is cursed and destined to writhe in agony forever. Have fun."
...Basically, when people tell me that, I feel as though they don't care about me.

So who are the people who tell me I'm going to Hell? Conservative, stuffy, holier-than-thou Christians. Not all Christians, just the prick ones. It doesn't matter how nice you are. Telling someone they're going to Hell is mean. Trying to decide someone's fate, and deciding that it will be negative, and then letting those people know, is horrible. It's a horrible, disgusting, awful thing to do.

What's funny is that most of these people have never even read the Bible. There they go, preaching their twisted faith like it's fact, when they have not even actually read the book from whence their beliefs came. It's utter ignorance and hipocrisy. You're telling me that I'm eternally damned because of my lack of a relationship in God, when you haven't even read his teachings. That makes total sense.... Oh wait, no it doesn't.

Also, what makes you, a pathetic human, think you have the right to decide what happens to me after I die? You don't know. You have no more idea of what will happen in the afterlife than I do. You have faith in something, and that's all it is. Faith. There is no scientific fact proving that God exists, or that Hell exists, or that that is where people without faith in God go. It's not a fact, don't talk to me like it is. Especially since the thing you're preaching is so cruel and twisted. It's YOUR belief, and YOU have no right to decide what's going to happen to me when I die. You're not me. And more than that, you're not GOD.

People who say that don't even realize that they're playing God when they say it. By trying to tell me what happens to me after I die, you are playing God. You are saying that much more powerful forces than you... science, nature, fate, karma, even God himself... don't have the right to decide my fate, because you already know it. You already know I'm setting myself up for eternal damnation. You know that, huh? Wow.
But you can NOT make that decision. Only God Himself can. And if God really is this great, glorious, praise-worthy entity, He will NOT send good people to Hell due to a lack of faith. He simply won't. And I don't think He appreciates you taking it upon yourself to make that decision for him. It is NOT your choice, or your decision to make, what will happen to me after I die. It's God's, according to you, and yet you're trying to take that power away from Him.

These people, they're fear-mongering. "Believe what I tell you, or else suffer a fate worse than death." Sure, what they preach sounds wonderful. But what Stalin and Hitler preached also sounded wonderful. And if people didn't believe that, oh, everything was just jolly as people starved in the Soviet Union and Hitler killed all the Jews, they were punished. And, okay, maybe religion isn't starving anyone or doing horrible things, but in essence they are using fear to get people to believe what they want to believe. Which is the same thing that the fascist dictators of the world do.

Even putting all those things aside, what Christian people don't seem to understand is that you can't FORCE yourself to have a relationship with God. Believe me, I've tried. But even when I was little, it didn't really connect. Even then, when I would say a prayer or talk about God, it felt like I was playing pretend. As I got a little bit older, it was just me doing what my parents wanted me to do, believing what they wanted me to believe. But I never really believed. And no matter how I try, I can't force myself to. I can't force a relationship with God. Even if I were to come to school tomorrow, telling everyone how amazing and wonderful God was, saying I was Christian and that I believed in God, it would just be a lie. A facade. And we all know I can't lie.
I WANT to believe in God. Really, I do. But I just can't. I can't force myself to. I can't fully put faith in Him. That is something you have to understand. And God won't punish me for what I can't help.

Well, there's nothing really more I want to say at the moment, so that's pretty much it.