Your brain can't keep up with your beak.

I'm doing a blog entry, because I decided the time was ripe for a blog entry.

I love how your blog is titled "Remind me again why I created a blog". You know who you are. XD

Recently I have been reinstating balance into my life. Having friends that do not really like each other, try to avoid each other, and act differently in each other's presence is a little difficult, but I am getting used to it. After all, the weekend IS made up of three days. One day for old friends, one day for new, and one day for me. And although sometimes it's frustrating having friends that don't always get along, I love all my friends dearly and am so grateful to have them that I don't mind having to compromise sometimes. And getting balance back in my life has been really great for me. I have found myself again, and started liking myself again. All the stress, loneliness, self-loathing, and sadness that I'd been feeling recently has been gone for the past few weeks. I have getting the balance back in my life to thank for that. And for a lot of great times with people I love. ^-^

A few weeks ago, I had an epiphany. Several, actually. I feel like this year, I have been discovering a shit ton about myself, the world, and my life. Ah! That's it! 2010 is the year of discovery.
:)

One major discovery I have made is that there are a few people in this world I cannot live without. And, I can make it through anything as long as I have them. And do you know what the great thing is? I have recently realized, that nothing can ever tear us apart. We belong together, all of us. And things may change, and we may have to separate physically, but we will ALWAYS be in each other's hearts and thoughts. We will always love each other and be there for each other. And really, that is all I need to be happy in life.

Of course, even life must come to an end. Everything that lives must die. But I have recently gained a new perspective on death. Suddenly, I've become aware that death is not the ending everyone makes it out to be. It is just the beginning; the start of a new adventure. I used to fear and dread death to a great degree. But now, I don't. Of course, I'm not at all ready for it--I have so much to do, so many people to love who are going to be alive for a long time to come, so many things of this realm I have not experienced. But I also feel that when the time comes that I have to be taken from this Earth, my spirit's journey will not be over. I do not know what will happen to it. Maybe there is God, maybe it will be reincarnated, maybe it will wander. But there are countless adventures awaiting me after death.

And another thing. Love... love is really powerful. Love is really all you need. No matter what happens in the future, as long as my life is filled with love, I will be able to find happiness. Some days may be darker than others, and sometimes I may have to dig to find it. But as long as I am with people I love, it can be found. Especially if I am with the one person I love most.

Believe it or not, I have made even more discoveries than that. However, those are really the only ones I feel like writing about right now, so there you go.

Today, Taylor, Josh, and I hung out at Taylor's house. It was so nice; a feeling of contentment and peace stole over me while I was with them. We watched old videos, and it was very nostalgic.... We were all so little. I think Taylor and Josh were more different than me, compared to now. Josh was the most different, of course. Haha.
At one point, I was laying down in her bed, and I found myself suddenly quite sleepy. I cuddled up and started to just listen, eyes closed. And I realized that I find the sound of their voices extremely comforting. The tones and nuances of their speech were like a lullaby, and hearing their voices brought to me a great sense of security and happiness. I probably could've slept right there, had I not found the conversation so interesting. The time went by too fast, and I found I was shocked when I looked at the clock and it read that it was already 10.
It's not like we did anything particularly exciting. We watched old videos, read scripts, and talked. But somehow, that was enough. Without any effort, it somehow made itself equal to the great times I've had running around, out and about, doing exciting things and trying new experiences.
Although I will admit, that night with the aliens, fingercuffs, and parking garage will always be a very tough one to beat. XD

It's 1:23 am, make a wish. I wish for a pony!

I just want everyone who reads this to know that I love them. I have been feeling so grateful for my friends lately. I have such a large list of people who are there for me, people I love, people I have so much fun with. I am so, so blessed to have this. And I want everyone to know that I realize this. And I appreciate them.

To all the new friends I have made, or become much closer to this year: Alsatia, Marcus, Huei Ming, Micaela, Gareth, Audrey, Jeremiah, James, Logan, Eddie Dean.... I am so grateful that all these people have come into my life. We may not have known each other long, but I know that they have changed my life for the better. It is strange that these people have only been in my life for about a year, because I love them all so much. I didn't know what I was missing, but it was a lot. Providence was looking out for me when it brought them into my life. Each of these people have left their mark on my heart and I know I will never forget them.

To the friends who have stuck around with me a couple years: Emma, Kayla Martin, Lee.... I love all of you guys. We may have our occasional problems, but I know that if I really need something I can count on any one of you. I've been through a lot with all of you. Getting to know all of you was such a great adventure, and I know that there has been some point with each one of you that I opened myself up to you entirely, and you opened your hidden selves up to me. I have a lot of great memories with you guys, and I hope that we will get to keep building more and piling them on. The memories we've made will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you so much for everything.

And then, there are those people who have been with me through the sweet simplicity of elementary school, the awkward stages of growth that middle school encompass, and the sprouting of wings called high school: Taylor and Josh. They have been with me through so much. I don't think I can really express my love for them, or how much they mean to me. Since 3rd grade, I have had memories with these guys. And there were times when we all drifted apart from each other and didn't really talk that much for long periods of time; entire years, even. But somehow, we became us. We have had so many memories together, good and bad, horrible and amazing. We've seen each other grow and mature so much that it is unbelievable. We've been with each other through the awkwardness that is puberty, watching each other spring from a child's body into an adult's. We have been with each other through phases of extreme craziness and weirdness. We all have experienced extremely embarassing stuff together, and have opened ourselves up to each other entirely. When it comes down to it, I trust them with my life. These guys witnessed me at my lowest, those hard years of depression. In the same manner, they have seen me at the best times in my life. They are responsible for the vast majority of them. Without these kids, I have no idea where I would be right now. They helped me learn to love myself again, learn to trust others again, been there for me when no one else seemed to be, took a spirit still mending from a shatter and making it whole again. What's great is that they didn't even know that they did it. They were just being themselves. We are always making each other better people; we always love each other and help each other love ourselves; we are always there for each other. I have countless memories and joyful times with these guys, and we are always building more together. I love them so much, and they are such amazing people. Honestly, I could probably go on for hours, but I'll spare you by ending it here.

...Hmm. That truly was not a premeditated thing, it just kind of happened. But I'm glad I did it. I mean every word of it, you guys. I cannot exrpress the gratitude that I have all of you guys in my life in words, and this attempt is a mere shadow of how I feel about all of you.

...Well, I need to go to bed now.

Ja ne.